Do you recognize any of these troubling behaviors? If someone new in your life exhibits any of these characteristics, run their name through Instant Checkmate.
Do they have any disturbing criminal or arrest records? Perhaps it’s something more subtle — like a chilling social media presence. Instant Checkmate is like having a private detective at your disposal, without the excessive bill.
1. Controlling Behavior
A controlling date may not be obvious at first. Maybe it starts with a stream of constant text messages. Your partner suddenly shows up during your night out with your friends.
Perhaps they find little ways to put you down, such as suggesting that you change the way you dress or lose a little weight. Maybe they suddenly take a dislike to your friends and family, or they have a major problem with a platonic friend. Before you know it, they’re demanding that you stop spending so much time with your loved ones.
Although it may start small, controlling behavior tends to get worse over time.
2. Cruelty
A cruel streak is a major relationship red flag. Cruelty can manifest in different ways. For instance, is your date cruel to animals? Do they make biting remarks about a stranger’s physical appearance? Are they scornful toward the homeless?
Any of these actions should raise serious alarm bells in your head. One common mistake is assuming that because someone isn’t directing their cruelty towards you, that means their behavior is okay. It’s not. When you first engage in a relationship with an abusive person, it’s common for them to engage in a behavior known as “love bombing.”
Love bombing is a tactic employed by abusive partners where they flood their partner with attention, lavish praise, and gifts during the early stages of a relationship. Once they’ve sufficiently enchanted their partner, they’ll suddenly withhold affection as a means of manipulating their partner.
3. Secretive and Shady Behavior
Does your date feel like they’re hiding something? Some examples might be:
- You've Never Been to Their Home
- They Don't Have Online Presence - At All
- They Don't Talk About Their Past
- You Know Very Little About Them
In some cases, someone may just be slow to open up to you. But in other cases, someone may be hiding something. Like a spouse. Or a dark past.
Enter their name in Instant Checkmate to get the real story. Does a spouse pop up in the “Possible Relatives” section of their report? Do you uncover a slew of social media profiles that give away a secret life?
Perhaps they’re hiding a darker secret. One Instant Checkmate member actually discovered her date had just finished a long prison sentence — for murder.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting means to “manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”
Some examples of gaslighting include:
- Making a Statement and Then Completely Denying it a Few Moments Later
- Claiming That You Agreed to Lend Them Money When You Didn't
- Accusing You of Acting Insecure and Jealous... When They Are Cheating on You
The purpose of gaslighting is to make you feel uncertain about your own recollection of events. A gaslighter may start with small lies, like saying they love a TV show. Then, when you mention it again, claim they’ve never seen it. But after time, gaslighting can grow into larger deceptions.
If someone shows signs of being a gaslighter, run in the other direction.
5. Bad Social Media Vibes
Can you really judge someone by their social media presence? In some cases, yes. Recently, The Bachelor franchise ran into (another) controversy. Garrett Yrigoyen, a contestant in season 14 of The Bachelorette, had liked a series of racist, homophobic, and misogynistic Instagram posts prior to filming. If someone is spewing hate speech online, it’s pretty likely that’s how they really feel.
Is someone’s Instagram feed packed with bikini or shirtless shots? Watch out. According to psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, an excessive amount of fitness or scantily-clad shots can be a sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
“Psychologists have studied what your social media accounts reveal about you and your state of mind. There are some preliminary findings which suggest that those who include a lot of gym and fitness related images, or post copious pictures of their bodies in workout gear, may be higher in traits like narcissism, compared to most people," Langcaster-James said.
Someone might not share all of their social media profiles with you, especially if they have something to hide — like a toxic Twitter account or an Instagram used for hooking up. To discover hard-to-find social media profiles, enter their name in Instant Checkmate.
6. They Drive a Wedge Between You And Your Loved Ones
Abusers will try to isolate their victims. Isolation is the first step in convincing the victim that the abuser is all that they have. An abusive partner may try and create friction between you and your loved ones by criticizing them or the way you act when they’re around.
Perhaps they accuse your loved ones of causing problems in your relationship or being “bad influences.” They may even try to guilt-trip you into disconnecting from your family or forbid you from going out with your friends.
Abusers don’t want their victims to have a support system, and they will go to great lengths to ensure that no one is around to advise the victim to steer clear of their abuser. They may even use a “carrot and stick” approach to isolation. When the victim drifts away from their friends and family, the abuser rewards them. When they get closer, the abuser finds a way to punish them.
Abusers, much like cheaters, don’t change. Always background check a potential date to make sure they don’t have any previous domestic violence charges or other harrowing prior offenses.
7. Lying
If someone lies about the little things, can you trust them not to lie about the big issues? Watch out for little lies and exaggerations from a new partner.
Narcissists are prone to lying about their background to make themselves feel more important. They might claim to be heir to a vast fortune or have a fancy degree from an Ivy League school when the truth is far more humble.
Do you suspect someone of fabricating their background? Instant Checkmate can verify (or contradict) their story by providing:
- Educational History
- Employment History
- Assets
- Business Affiliations
- And Much More
Are you concerned about a date or a loved one’s relationship? Run their name through Instant Checkmate today.